Depression. How I survived.

Hi!

Wow I have been missing for a while, haven't I? In this post I'd just like to express my gratitude.

Alhamdulillah.

I realize now that I have been blessed with good things in life. About a year and a half ago, I was in a state of depression. However, I was in total denial. I never knew what depression really was therefore I didn't realize that I was drowning in it. Depression is a thing. A very serious thing. You tell yourself that everything's okay, you pretend to be happy, you avoid listening to sad songs because you thought happy songs can lighten your mood when after a while those happy songs you put on repeat makes you sick and you start hating them. You begin listening to slow heart-to-heart songs because you feel like you can relate to the lyrics and they kind of make you feel better but after a while, those songs make you sick too. You start questioning, what is the point of life? What's my role in the world? You become extremely insecure that you avoid meeting your friends. You feel very, very lonely. You feel distant from your loved ones. You feel like you don't have enough time for them and for yourself but when you do, you can't truly enjoy it and behind that smile hides a small voice crying for help saying "I wish I can share with you how sad I've been but I don't wan't to spoil this moment right now; probably you won't understand anyways". You cry every..single..day.

This went on for almost a year.

I slowly dug myself out of the misery and alhamdulillah, I survived. I knew it was the end of it one fine night when I had just finished my Isha' prayers and I felt calm and at peace. All the things that was going right in my life ran through my mind and I started to cry. How was I so blind to not see all the things that I have in my life, good or bad. I realized that I have so many things to be grateful for. All I needed to do was to look back on all that I have in life or those that I don't have but I have had the pleasure to experience or be close to, and appreciate every little thing.

As a practice, I listed down some of the things that I appreciate:

1. My parents
2. Other people's beautiful voice (I don't have one)
3. Delicious food
4. Quality time with close friends
5. Restaurants that provide wrapped drinking straws
6. Being appreciated
7. Every minute of a vacation/ road trip
8. Detailed art work
9. My own time of peace and serenity
10. A good sleep
11. Good movies (I like cricital, heavy, twisted movies with unpredictable endings)
12. Good manners
13. Intelligent debates
14. Deep, comfortable conversations
15. Being loved by an animal
16. My room
17. Past, present and future relationships
18. Being born a Muslim

And the list goes on and forever will. I recommend that you do this too. In the long term, it'll make you a happier person. Trust me. 

I hope that this post have been helpful especially to those who are feeling down. It's okay to admit that you are under depression. Sometimes you don't realize that life isn't that bad; you just have to acknowledge that. 

Until next time, thanks for reading. xoxo.